Fawkesy Lady Sex Tip Series: Exploring the Sexual Continuum, Part 2

spank university crestElectric Boogaloo!

Last time, on a very special episode of Delilah’s Fawkesy Lady Sex Tips, we talked a little bit about sexual orientation, and what folks call “The Sexual Continuum.”

We covered that the old idea that you’re either gay or straight is as false as a beauty queen’s chicken cutlets, and that sexuality is more of a continuum than a binary idea.

Today, I wanted to talk about what this means for you!

What REALLY turns you on?

Have you explored all of your options, or are you used to thinking like your parents, media, pastor told you to? Are you sure what you like, or are you sticking only to what Cosmo tells you is the correct way to “do” sex?

I ask because I used to limit myself severely because I was told by my faith that any thoughts that were less-than 100% straight were “wrong,” and even though I supported the gay community, I didn’t know what that meant for me and my life.

Sometimes I liked looking at boobs, but certainly, I couldn’t look at boobs while I masturbated, could I? Or imagine a three-way with a man and another woman (GASP!)? I could only read about straight relationships and straight sex and watch the straightest of porn or …. what did that make me?

If I liked fantasizing about kissing a beautiful woman, did that mean I was a lesbian and had to leave behind my husband and my love of cocks?

These thoughts and more flitted through my mind until I learned about The Sexual Continuum. After that, I learned to explore, and to love those feelings because they were not only natural, but there were what gave me pleasure and made me the fantastic woman I am. They were always a part of me, but they were a part I hadn’t enjoyed fully until I gave myself permission to do so.

So, let’s talk sex.

Ask yourself where you think you are on the Continuum… Here, I made a cool graphic to help!

the sexual continuumOkay, so it turned out a little small, but y’all get the idea!

On the one side you have people who are 100% gay all the time forever. They only like the same sex, period. Deal with it. You are probably never going to get a piece of Richard Simmons’ sweet, sweet cardio buns. Make your peace with that.

On the other side, we have people who are 100% straight all the time forever. I went ahead and picked Charlie Sheen and Anna Nicole Smith because, why not? You all are picking up what I’m putting down :).

In the middle we have, um…. the majority of the human race.

It’s like a sexuality bell curve!

The beautiful thing about the continuum, is that no one is “wrong,” or has to label themselves for liking what they like. And you don’t have to like everything to enjoy members of the same or opposite sex!

For example, I have a lesbian friend who’s happily married to a lovely woman, and yet really, really enjoys Buck Angel and watching gay male porn. Her wife also loves books like mine and Fifty Shades of Grey!  I also have male gay friends who loooove believable drag queens and straight male friends who enjoy watching intact transwomen pornography.

And then there’s me! I’m very happily married to a man, yet enjoy lesbian fantasies every so often. Why not? Hell, I even wrote a short story about a college girl finding herself inexplicably attracted to her roommate, only to discover that Jesse has what she wants–a penis!

All I’m saying, is have fun with your fantasies, and don’t limit yourselves because you’re afraid of a label.

Because life is good, and healthy sexual fantasies are part of that goodness!

Explore, read, watch, tease, and most of all… have a blast learning more about yourself, and what makes you tick when the lights go out (or stay on!) ;).

Happy sexin’!

*And yes, I’m back in action! Thank you all for being so patient while I took a blogging break :). Mmmmwah! *kisses!*

Fawkesy Lady Sex Tip Series: Exploring the Sexual Continuum, Part 1

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Welcome to S.P.A.N.K. University, my lovely readers, where you’ll receive a first rate education on Sexual Prowess, Authority, and Naughtiness Know-how with your esteemed professor, Delilah Fawkes, Resident Sexpert!

In the past, we’ve talked about a few fun, frisky, and just plain bizarre sexy topics, such as busting sex myths, learning how to rock your own socks in the sack, and why you should only put approved items into your butt unless you want the EMT’s to laugh at you (complete with hilarious X-Rays!).

Go check these out if you missed ’em!

But today, I’d like to start a new topic about human sexuality that has been the source of a whoooole lot of confusion in our modern society, and keeps a lot of people–maybe even you!–from fully understanding and fully enjoying YOUR sexuality.

What is that, you ask? Good question!

It’s Sexual Orientation, that tricky little label that defines who we’re sexually interested in–people of the same or opposite gender. When we were young, we were taught that there was STRAIGHT and there was GAY, and that was pretty much it. You were either one or the other. 

Later in life, if we were more open minded, we learned to accept a middle ground and that people could be BISEXUAL, being sexually interested equally in people of all genders.

But is that right?

Why, if that’s true, do gay people sometimes sleep with people of the opposite gender? Why do straight people “experiment” with the same gender? And why am I happily married to a man, but sometimes have raunchy dreams about Inara from the show Firefly?

Well, the answer is the subject of this week’s posts, and is something that I’ve found as fascinating as it is freeing:

Human sexuality isn’t just black or white–it’s a continuum that covers every type of attraction. There are no absolutes!

Think about it this way. 

Here’s our old way of seeing human sexuality:

Straight people are Lions

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And gay people are tigers

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And so, I guess that mean’s bi-sexual people are Ligers…

 

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Seriously, if you don’t know what a Liger is, look it up. They are freakin’ AWESOME.

BUT, instead of the world just being lions and tigers and the occasional liger, things ACTUALLY look more like THIS:

 

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Uhhh… whoa.

Yeah, it’s kinda like that.

 

Instead of everything being so binary, humans actually have a wide range of attractions and responses to a wide range of people!

The exciting thing is, this diversity actually makes it easier to discover for ourselves what makes us tick, and especially what makes our motor hum. Because when you remove the need to label yourself “gay” or “straight,” and accepting that it’s all on a continuum, you relieve the pressure of trying to fit yourself into a box. 

For example, I distinctly remember going to church camp when I was about 13 years old and meeting a girl named Evie. She was tall, thin, and had a bad case of acne, but to me, she looked like an elfin princess or something. She was etherial, beautiful, and for the first time in my boy crazy life, I felt…. well…. different when I was around her.

I didn’t quite know what I wanted, but I deeply suspected it was to hold her hand or kiss her or something, and to my young mind, it was a really weird sensation. I’d always been taught that if you have any attraction to the same gender, you’re gay, but then again, I’d chased boys all my life! I was definitely attracted to men, and most women didn’t do it for me, so what was I now?

It made me feel alone and strange, and instead of maybe sharing an innocent kiss with a cute 13 year old girl, I spent the next few years wondering about my sexuality.

I didn’t “feel” bisexual, because I was only attracted to one or two women every so often, and I didn’t have the urge to go all the way, just maybe make out a little or go beneath the bra. I thought maybe I could, with the right woman, but it was a real “maybe,” because I just wasn’t sexually attracted to female genitalia, but loooved me some penis.

It was so, so confusing for the longest time, until I learned to see things the way they really are.

Now I know, yeah, I’m a little gay, but I’m majority straight. 

What does this mean, though? What does understanding the cornicopia of human sexual expression mean for me? What does it mean for YOU? How can it help you in your sexual life?

Well…. you’re about to find out!

Stay tuned for more on the Sexual Continuum, coming this week ;).

 

Until then: What do you think? Have you ever questioned your own sexual thoughts? What did that feel like? I’d love to hear your comments!